Haunting. The realization that this body is not the end. Its not my final destination, not my only tool. There is something after this. I can only hope it will be different then this body. I'v always wondered what its like, not to look at your body like its the only thing that matters. These are my thoughts on my body, my life, people in modern society, this world, and the one after...
entry 1
The uncanny talent of gaining weight is catching up on my emotions.
I dress this body like a tool; to show everyone that i don't care, that this body of mine is as sexy as any super model because of my mind set. I'm rebellious against the media that tells me that my beauty is wrong and the followers. Fear me. But there are so many types of beauty. So many people who have their own ideas of what beauty really is. In the Renaissance period, large women were treasured and coveted. They were considered beautiful. Transport me back there please. Their voluptuousness was a sign of richness and that they ate well. The chines geisha covers her face with white makeup and thick eyeliner. She paints her lips red. This is beauty to them. To some Muslims, beauty is obedience and submission to the male sex. EVERY ONE has different beliefs to what beauty is. While the nowadays media lies to us and tells us that if your not smoking hot and deathly thin, your ugly. Gods opinion really is the only one that matters. to him, every one is beautiful. :D I'm beautiful because I'm his daughter. I am pure as snow because I'v been washed with blood. And that really is the most important thing. If I can just remember that I really am a work of art, that the God of the UNIVERSE loves me and thinks I am perfect and beautiful like the Mona Lisa, I can be content to wait for my new body.
entry 2
bullies. what makes them hurt people? what makes them want to hurt some one to the point of tears? what gives them that pleasure when they see that girl they just called fat, ugly or stupid, run away crying? well the obvious answer is sin, but lets look at the physiological scheme of things. lets say you've been bullied or hurt by some one. you want to show the world how angry you are, don't you? don't you want to lash out at some one or something? maybe make some one else cry so they know how you feel? well, that's what bullies do. that's how they feel. and when you encounter one, don't react, just kill them with kindness. pull out those big guns baby. kindness is the key. how would you feel if you were being horrible to some one and then they give you flowers? wouldn't you feel awkward and foolish? wouldn't it make you confused? and a little happy? i know how bullies feel. when people bully you, it makes you want to bully other people. and i've done that. but only once, i promise. but it doesn't matter who you do it to, what you say or how many times you've done it. once you've done it, its done. there's no way to take words back. no way to avoid that guilt, when you say something wrong. what ever you do, though, do not bully them back. then you'll be just as bad as them.
entry 3
Inspiration is hard to come by. It also hurts like hell when you dont have any resources to write, take that picture or write down that facebook status. but what bugs me most is when people pretend to be inspired, and they work so hard to create art that it just turns into a big unclear muddled mess of wasted time. i hear music that isn't really music, just meaningless or crude words to electrical beeping and banging that rattles ones mind. but, once in a while...there's a song or a piece of art that truly is inspired; words that echo in your mind so clear that it becomes part of who you are. to me, if it's not inspired and inspiring, it's not art, and if its not inspiring, it wasn't inspired. so its not art. it has to be one to be the other. those to words go together.
entry 1
The uncanny talent of gaining weight is catching up on my emotions.
I dress this body like a tool; to show everyone that i don't care, that this body of mine is as sexy as any super model because of my mind set. I'm rebellious against the media that tells me that my beauty is wrong and the followers. Fear me. But there are so many types of beauty. So many people who have their own ideas of what beauty really is. In the Renaissance period, large women were treasured and coveted. They were considered beautiful. Transport me back there please. Their voluptuousness was a sign of richness and that they ate well. The chines geisha covers her face with white makeup and thick eyeliner. She paints her lips red. This is beauty to them. To some Muslims, beauty is obedience and submission to the male sex. EVERY ONE has different beliefs to what beauty is. While the nowadays media lies to us and tells us that if your not smoking hot and deathly thin, your ugly. Gods opinion really is the only one that matters. to him, every one is beautiful. :D I'm beautiful because I'm his daughter. I am pure as snow because I'v been washed with blood. And that really is the most important thing. If I can just remember that I really am a work of art, that the God of the UNIVERSE loves me and thinks I am perfect and beautiful like the Mona Lisa, I can be content to wait for my new body.
entry 2
bullies. what makes them hurt people? what makes them want to hurt some one to the point of tears? what gives them that pleasure when they see that girl they just called fat, ugly or stupid, run away crying? well the obvious answer is sin, but lets look at the physiological scheme of things. lets say you've been bullied or hurt by some one. you want to show the world how angry you are, don't you? don't you want to lash out at some one or something? maybe make some one else cry so they know how you feel? well, that's what bullies do. that's how they feel. and when you encounter one, don't react, just kill them with kindness. pull out those big guns baby. kindness is the key. how would you feel if you were being horrible to some one and then they give you flowers? wouldn't you feel awkward and foolish? wouldn't it make you confused? and a little happy? i know how bullies feel. when people bully you, it makes you want to bully other people. and i've done that. but only once, i promise. but it doesn't matter who you do it to, what you say or how many times you've done it. once you've done it, its done. there's no way to take words back. no way to avoid that guilt, when you say something wrong. what ever you do, though, do not bully them back. then you'll be just as bad as them.
entry 3
Inspiration is hard to come by. It also hurts like hell when you dont have any resources to write, take that picture or write down that facebook status. but what bugs me most is when people pretend to be inspired, and they work so hard to create art that it just turns into a big unclear muddled mess of wasted time. i hear music that isn't really music, just meaningless or crude words to electrical beeping and banging that rattles ones mind. but, once in a while...there's a song or a piece of art that truly is inspired; words that echo in your mind so clear that it becomes part of who you are. to me, if it's not inspired and inspiring, it's not art, and if its not inspiring, it wasn't inspired. so its not art. it has to be one to be the other. those to words go together.
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